The Boy With The Thorn In His Side.
I still feeling frazzled, anxious and low. This situation has been going on since June 2004 and I was hoping for some improvement by now. Even if the drugs had started to even me out a bit and had started to make me feel less anxious I would be okay, but they're not. The pain I can put up with. I've had it for 20 odd years, in varying degrees and although it is draining it's part of who I am so I can handle it. However, this constant feeling of anxiety is a different matter.
When I had my first episode about six years or so ago I was but on beta blockers and sent for some counselling. I don't think the beta blockers did fuck all to be honest but for a time the counselling did help me. Although I didn't suddenly become this self confident person full of self esteem it did lessen the anxiety a bit.
When I started feeling bad again some 2 years ago (it took me 6 months to go to th edoctors) I was given Prozac. This just made me sleep all day so I suppose in some way it did help the anxiety and depression ( although it may have been the depression that made me sleep. I also went for some 'counselling'. This consisted of group therapy, which I didn't find much use. We got four sessions and I was just starting to come out of my shell a bit when it ended. I asked if I could continue one to one with a counseller but she never contacted me again and I wasn't in any state to pursue it. Her not contacting me just added to my feeling of rejection (although she was probably just too busy).
I went back to the doctors on Monday, my new drugs have not helped. The doctor has increased the dosage (but only after I asked if I could take more than one pill a day) and I have been referred for counselling again (only after I asked if I could be referred. I'm going to try and get one to one counselling this time because I think it will be more beneficial for me. I need to explore why I have such low self esteem and why this causes me so much anxiety.
Hopefully I can extract the thorn in my side.