Marmiteboy - Urbane Warrior.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side.

I still feeling frazzled, anxious and low. This situation has been going on since June 2004 and I was hoping for some improvement by now. Even if the drugs had started to even me out a bit and had started to make me feel less anxious I would be okay, but they're not. The pain I can put up with. I've had it for 20 odd years, in varying degrees and although it is draining it's part of who I am so I can handle it. However, this constant feeling of anxiety is a different matter.

When I had my first episode about six years or so ago I was but on beta blockers and sent for some counselling. I don't think the beta blockers did fuck all to be honest but for a time the counselling did help me. Although I didn't suddenly become this self confident person full of self esteem it did lessen the anxiety a bit.

When I started feeling bad again some 2 years ago (it took me 6 months to go to th edoctors) I was given Prozac. This just made me sleep all day so I suppose in some way it did help the anxiety and depression ( although it may have been the depression that made me sleep. I also went for some 'counselling'. This consisted of group therapy, which I didn't find much use. We got four sessions and I was just starting to come out of my shell a bit when it ended. I asked if I could continue one to one with a counseller but she never contacted me again and I wasn't in any state to pursue it. Her not contacting me just added to my feeling of rejection (although she was probably just too busy).

I went back to the doctors on Monday, my new drugs have not helped. The doctor has increased the dosage (but only after I asked if I could take more than one pill a day) and I have been referred for counselling again (only after I asked if I could be referred. I'm going to try and get one to one counselling this time because I think it will be more beneficial for me. I need to explore why I have such low self esteem and why this causes me so much anxiety.

Hopefully I can extract the thorn in my side.


Blogger w1ld child said...

Hope it works for you mb.

Take care

11:54 am

Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Sorry to hear you are not so well again, MB. I am sure you are right to follow your instinct and go for counselling: drug therapy is fine for a qick short-term relief, but the trouble with it is that one tends to get habituated so that the dose has to be increased; and above a certain level that's not good.

Try the Bach Flower Remedy as previously recommended: if it works on cats.....

2:49 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

How can anyone feel stressed this time of year when every where you go a loop of 'jingle bells' is playing?? 'mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm, mm-m-mm-m-mm'..... :)
I'm sorry to hear your meds aren't helping. Perhaps the increase in dosage will be the bit extra you need. Hope you find a good counsellor. If you don't hit it off with whomever you visit right away, just remember that there are many counsellors out there and that a good match in personalities and a working trust is essential. I made the mistake of staying with a total b**ch for months only to eventually realize that the problem wasn't me it was her and that I needed to go to someone else.
The Bach Flower Remedies are worth a try and chamomile tea (if you can bare the taste) has a naturally calming effect. Hope you start feeling better soon.

9:43 pm

Blogger Katie said...

Hi Marmiteboy, Sorry to hear you're feeling low and that you feel like you have low self esteem, and anxiety. I know how you feel Marmiteboy as this is how I feel most of the time. I've combatted it by listening to the help and support by my family and friends and also that has helped me to be a better person. i feel for you after reading how you felt alone and left out by being single and feeling pain everywhere. it's hard for all of us to say how much the pain hurts both physically and mentally, but at least we all have the family and friends support to help us along the way. I feel pain too, Marmiteboy and I'm single too, so know what you feel like most times. Bloody irrating isn't it? You feel like you want to bang your head against a brick wall as the saying goes!!

keep smiling Marmiteboy! email me if you feel like chatting.

1:06 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Thank you for all your comments folks.

'm going to try pycho-therapy rather than counselling I think. My sister who lives with OCD has recently undertaken a course and has found it really beneficial and for the first time ever is understanding what is happening in her head. I shall look locally for a psycho therapist that I feel comfortable with, as Mumpy says it is so important to have a good relationship with a counsellor or therapist. I had a counsellor some years ago who was very good and then through her went to omn to do some group stuff with someone else. This person was an exponant of Transactional Analysis which know is very helpful to some people. I didn't find it that helpful (at that time in my life) and instead of being supportive the group leader told me I was not getting results because was doing it wrong! This was not what I needed to hear when my self esteem and confidence was at a low ebb. On reflection I think it was him who was not doing his job properly.

Mumpy thanks for the lovely image of hearing Christams music wherever you go. Arrrgghhh!!!! t made me chuckle.

5:36 pm


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