Reasons To Be Cheerful (Not).
I'm always seeing lists of favourite, most popular, biggest selling things on the telly, in magazines, books and on the internet. I'm a right one for the list myself. In the next month or so no doubt I'll be posting my favourite records of the year. However in the interests of nothing in particular I've drawn up a list of things that I don't particular like. Some of them I'd even admit to hating. None are Earth shattering or important. Remember kids, this is just a bit of fun.
1. Carrots - In my view carrots are the food of the devil. It is unnatural to have orange things on your plate. I really, really hate boiled carrots. Please, if I ever come to dinner(and I hope to one day *wink*) don't put carrots on my plate. I would have to take them off before eating and that might be embarrasing.
2. Shop Assistants Who Talk To Their Mates While They Are Serving - It seems to happen everywhere these days. And it is the height of bad manners. I used towork in a contact centre, imagine the outcry if when someone phoned I asked them to hold on while I finished my conversation about what went on in Eastenders last night.
3. Drivers Who Don't Indicate - Another popular pastime. When approaching a roundabout or junction INDICATE!! This is not only good practice but lets other road users know what the fuck you are doing.
4. People Who Talk At Gigs - Those gig goers amongst us (Nic, Stella you'll know what I mean) will despair of those people who think it is okay to carry on a converstaion with there mates during a performance and because gigs usually involve loud music, shout over the top of it in order to be heard. Here is a tip. If you do wish to discuss the latest news with your companion then please FUCK OFF TO THE BAR AND DO IT!. Don't stand benhind me or Nic or Stella (if you happen to be in Melbourne for the day). A batey crip is a dangerous crip, remember that.
5. Burberry - Horrid check stuff that should only be worn by rich country types when they are out slaughtering defenceless animals in the name of sport. It is not meant to be a fashion accessory.
6. ITV - Is there anything worth watching on ITV? No thought not.
7. My PC - Bloody bastard thing. It takes two goes to boot up and two goes to get online which is the equivilent of about twenty minutes. Then it is so slow I can't download pictures to my blog with it and have to use another PC if I want to adorn any entry. It kicks me off line about twice a session and I cannot use it to download music, videos etc. I need a new one.
8. Liver - I like most foods. Give me hearts, kidneys or even tripe and I'm a happy boy. Lambs or calves liver (chicken liver is yummy) makes me heave though. So if you don't want Marmiteboy for dinner liver and carrots is what you'll have to serve.
9. The Lighthouse Family - Could they be the shitest band of all time? Are they worse than Dido, Katie Melua, Keane, Coldplay and James Blunt? Yes they are.
10. Celebrity Professional Scousers - Having lived on Merseyside in my late twenties and early thirties I find nothing more offensive than this particular species of the human race. Most Liverpudians I have met have been warm, friendly, humourous and kind. However when it comes to the kind of scouser that you get on tv be it Craig wot won Big Brother, to Tarby and Cilla I get really pissed off with the professional scouser. I remember seeing the very first episode of Big Brother where Craig introduced himself by saying 'I'm a scouser so obviouly I'll make evryone laugh'. Wrong!! Why do professional scousers believe that they are funnier than everyone else? And another thing, why does 'Our Cilla' as she calls herself, keep asking her fellow scousers to 'Give my love to the 'pool' when she never bloody goes there. She is safely tucked up in Sunningdale with Tarby and another showbiz types and never sets foot in the place. She can't love it that much can she? I've heard that she wouldn't be welcome much anyway. No one hates a professional scouser as much as a real one does.
As an extra here is a quote that I read today and rather liked.
On being asked if he had missed out on anything by being disabled the great Ian Dury replied "...Naaah...I missed a couple of buses though..." We miss you Ian.