Marmiteboy - Urbane Warrior.

Friday, October 28, 2005

I've taken the plunge and I'm not sure I should have.

I'm not at all sure about what I have just done at all. I have just submitted details to a dating agency. A 'introduction service' leaflet came through my door this week and it had a website address on it so I've just had a look to see what they were about about and they looked okay.

I joined one of the really big online agencies once before about 18 months ago with a mate of mine. She got loads of replies and I got none at all so my confidence, which wasn't very good to start with, took a bit of a tumble.

I've never been very good at this type of thing i.e. meeting women of the opposite sex ;-) and I really need some assistance.

I have loads of really good female friends, far more than any of my male mates have got. I've always got on better with women and in many ways much prefer their company to that of men.

As you may already know, the marvellous Lady Bracknell wrote a marvellous Guide to Flirting for me as a gift for my recent birthday. I can assure you I need all the help I can get because, and this maybe why I have got lots of female friends, I am totally incapable of chatting anyone up. I havce never ever chatted a woman up in a pub, club, on the bus, supermarket and so on. It's not that don't want to, it's just that I haven't the confidence to do it. I am also, so I'm told unable to spot if anyone is interested in me either. This is a character flaw that I don't really know how to address. Maybe interested women should be handed a bloody great big baseball bat to hit me round the head with. That'd get my attention maybe;-)

The thought of the dating agency fills me with absolute terror. I genuinely believe that the type of people who join dating agencies are fun, bubbly, outgoing and confident people who just haven't got the time to go out abnd find a partner so they are quite willing to let someone else line up loads of dates for them. I'm not entirely sure it's for people who haven't got much confidence or self esteem. Are you supposed to sell yourself and say how bloody fab your are and you can't think why you haven't got hoards of perspective partners clamouring after you? I really don't know.

Apparently the people at this agency send you a brouchure and then if you're interested they come and interview you in your home. I quite like the idea of that. Less likely to get nutters, time wasters and bunny boilers that way.

So I've taken the first step. It's taken a lot of bottle for me to get this far and I'm still not sure it's for me, but I suppose I haven't lost anything by finding out a bit more. I'm one of the only single blokes out of my mates now and you start to feel left out of things. I go to meals and birthday parties, weddings and christenings and I have to turn up on my own. If I was 20 it wouldn't particularly matter (although when was doing the same when was 20 I remember it mattering just as much) but now I'm older it just makes me feel lonely so I've decided that I've got to take a deep intake of breath and try and do something about it. It would be so nice not to have to go to the cinema on my own anymore or be able to go to gigs with someone etc. If I don't get off my arse I'll be single forever so I suppose this is a course of action that needs to be taken.

Still really scared though. Sorry for this self indulgent post but by telling people about it doesn't seem such a big deal.


Blogger pete said...

Great stuff MB. Go for it. An agency is just another avenue to find a partner. Just see the fees as a season ticket. it's probably going to be a lot cheaper than a Shrimpers one!

9:40 pm

Blogger Katie said...

Great one MB! Hope things will work out for you, but I will probably carry on in my singledom and be forever watching Bridget Jones Diary and eating icecream to satisfy my needs!

10:27 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

MB, my brother did this online once. He filled in all of the information and pressed enter to find out who was his match in our area.
0 matches.
So he tried in the US.
0 matches.
Feeling rather upset he said, "ah, hell" and tried in the world.
0 matches.

I am totally not making this up.

11:07 pm

Blogger The Goldfish said...

Well done Marmite Boy! As for your nerves, the big question is, what is the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is that you meet some pleasant women who don't happen to include Ms Right among their number. However, even if this occurs, you shall still be getting much essential practice at being with women in this context. Good luck!

12:04 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Has young Master Marmite considered Youreable?

12:24 pm

Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Good luck, MB, I hope you find someone.

6:04 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Thanks folks, I appreciate it.

Mumpy, did your brother ask to meet a Keira Knightley lookalike who could play guitar like Jimi Hendrix and who played wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers?

I thought I was choosy;-)

Hope he manages to find someone.

7:59 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

Thanks MB. My brother wants all of those things PLUS a girl who's an avid gamer. But they can't all be as perfect as his sister! :P

8:30 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Well that's true enough. It must be difficult for you being perfect. It's difficult for me too.

I can handle being perfect, but it's being so bloody gorgeous that is a worry;-) (lol)

Do you get hoards of admirers camping outside your house like I do?

9:01 pm

Blogger Leggitnaughty said...

This was all my bloody idea! I suggested that Marmiteboy join a dating agency and you all probably scoffed at the it's his idea you are all behind it. Well for your information, I was in front of it, the suggester of using dating agencies because THERE'S FUCKING NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. Marmites a lovely bloke and the only reason he isn't in a long term relationship is just pure bad luck. He'll take a few ladies out that he meets through the agency, then be happily ever after and subconciously at least it will be all down to me. So there. If any of you need any advice, just drop me a line.
Your pal

10:48 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Mr Legg is quite wrong in his assumption that it was he alone who suggested this course of action to Marmite.

Lady Bracknell has suggested it many times over the last few years, and had a good few fleas in her ear as a result. There has been very considerable reluctance on Marmite's part to take this sensible step.

11:26 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

Many admirers, which does make the situation difficult. Mr. M tries to chase them off with the a broom, but the truly diligent come rushing back.
It does put a crimp in dating though, since you never know. Are they just out for our blinding beauty and amazing popularity?

1:19 am

Blogger Charlesdawson said...

I applied to a dating agency once. I must admit I chickened out when I saw the literature - all these impossibly beautiful, trendy people.

I met my last partner through an interest we both shared - no, not that one - nature conservation. If you can find a common interest or activity to engage in, it takes a lot of the heat and selfconsciousness out of the courting process.

9:56 am

Blogger pete said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:41 am

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Lady B is correct, she has indeed been on at me for many years to do this. And I have shown considerable reluctance to do so.

However although I did join one one those online thingies once, no one replied so it put my off somewhat.

I don't know what has made me decide to have a go this time except that I'm pissed off at being on my own and I'm getting increasingly frustrated. It's me age I'm sure of it. That's what I've been telling myself since was 14 anyway.

I go out a fair bit, but I'm too shy to approach anyone, not that I would want to do that anyway. I would never want to put a woman in an uncomfortable position by doing that. I've seen those predatory blokes in pubs and clubs and so on and I hate what they do.They have no respect for anyone. They are just interested in pulling, they aren't interested in anybodies feelings it seems to me. Maybe the women they talk to are aware of what's going on and I'm just an old fashioned romantic (that's not far from the truth). Being an old fashioned romantic in 2005 is daft though, life isn't like the movies. it's only taken me 40 bloody years to realise this.

It feels like that this route is the only one left open to me. I'm nervous about joining but I'll give it ago. If it doesn't cost an arm and a leg that is. Only one of my legs works properly so I'd be buggered ;-)

12:22 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

I think it's a good step MB. What about your reading groups? CD is right when bringing up the importance of shared interests. Friendship is really what's at the heart of a relationship. Since you are such a great caring guy I would think that you would have no trouble with meeting someone.

12:59 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Thanks Mumpy, you make me blush.

There is a lovely, single girl at my reading group who I'd love to get to know better but I feel so self conscious around her. I wouldn't have the first notion about asking her out for a coffee or something. I'm always terrified of embarassing someone or making them feel uncomfortable by asking. It's something I know I have to address. At least at these Introduction Services people have joined to meet people so it might not be so difficult to ask.

Thanks again for your kind words.


1:13 pm

Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Marmite, why not talk to the girl about the books? Get a conversation going about something neutral like that and see how it goes - then you will feel confident about asking her out - maybe not the first chat you have, nor the second, but as you get to know her, either confidence will come, or you'll discover you don't want to take it further anyway.

What have you got to lose? You're an intelligent guy with a good sense of humour - use that!!

7:19 pm


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