The Longest Pier
Some of you may have seen the distressing news that has befallen my hometown. Southend on Sea's pier has succumbed to fire. Last night a fire broke out at the end of the pier causing extensive damage. So bad was the damage that some of the buildings fell into the sea (well Thames Estuary really but Southend 0n Thames Estuary does sound as good).
Southend isn't just all chav boy racers in customised Vauxhall Nova's playing very loud shite dance music to their Essex Girlfriends beclad in mini skirts and white stilletoes (the girls that is not the chav boy racers), oh no.
For Southend has the longest pier in the WORLD!!! That's right you heard right, the world. Now that is really something. Liverpool has the Beatles, Whitby has Dracula, Belfast it's shipyards, Sydney it's opera house, Blackpool it's tower and Reading has the er..The Hexagon but these wonders of the world pale into insignificance next Southend's longest pier ever in the history of the whole wide world.
My theory is that some jealous folk from the town with the the second longest pier in the world had a hand in this attempt to shorten our landmark. Well they have failed it's still 1½ miles long and you can still catch a train to the end of it(we're the only place in the world with a train on our pier too. And what's more I know someone who drives one of the trains so ner!!).
Southend's pier will rise from the sea like a pheonix (or something)unless the bastard council decide to shut down like the local theatre and one of our libraries. And we shall rule the world again.