Marmiteboy - Urbane Warrior.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Strange Goings On In Bracknell Towers.

I received an odd text last night form her Ladyship which has left me wondering about if she is as well brought up as she makes out. The text said and I quote "Blimey, that Pot Noodle was hot"...

Now we all know that The Pot Noodle is one of the most singularly disgusting 'foods' on the face of the earth and as a Lady of some standing I find it hard to believe she has even heard of Pot Noodles let alone tasted one.

The are several explanations therefore;

  1. Lady Bracknell has been kidnapped by aliens and a Lady Bracknell clone has substituted her. The clone is unaware of Lady B's true standing and has made a fatal mistake in trying to fit in to UK society by eating what they think is the UK's staple diet.
  2. Lady B's phone has been stolen by a young gentleman in a 'tracky' and trainees' and he was texting his 'La's'
  3. Lady B hasn't been shopping for several years and that's all that was left in the cupboard (although this doesn't account for the word 'blimey').
  4. Lady Bracknell is not a 'Lady' after all and is in fact common as muck and lives on a council estate in Litherland.

I think we should be told. My money's on number 4.


Blogger ChrisWoznitza said...

Hi I´m Chris. Greatings from Germany Bottrop !!

12:40 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Young Master Marmite still appears to be experiencing some problems in distinguishing between her ladyship and her ladyship's editor.

Lady Bracknell has no idea how to send a 'text message'. Her editor, however, has checked something called the "out box" on her own mobile telephone and is enraged that she has been deliberately and publicly misquoted. Having peered at the screen of the device, Lady Bracknell can confirm that the word "blimey" did NOT appear in the message.

12:45 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LIVERPOOL? A Liverpudillian you say?

I hear Liverpool Council are sending two coaches of scousers to New Orleans to help out with the the looting!

1:28 pm

Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

MB, perhaps what we are witnessing are signs of MPD (multiple personality disorder). Hmmm, after the dear Lady's recent dream perhaps she is at the point of breakthrough. Perhaps a crip intervention is called for!

2:16 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lady B,

I have checked my telephone and I admit that I doid mistakenly believe the word blimey was within the message, it was indeed gosh I apologise for the error, I read it early in the morning and wasunable to double check it within the library walls where my blog was composed. However even if it was not you who said it I am still comncerned that you allow Pot Noodles on your premises.

7:01 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

The above comment was from me, however the pc chose to post it as anonymous for some reason.

7:05 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Master Marmite,

You are welcome to mock. But persons who have chronic pain AND diabetes must drop their standards and keep in emergency supplies of foodstuffs which can be prepared extremely easily and at a moment's notice if they wish to carry on living.

Or is this ridicule part of a masterly plan to inherit the china cabinet at the earliest possible opportunity?

9:16 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Curses. My cunning plan is thwarted.

8:17 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Was it, then, Master Marmite who broke Lady Bracknell's withdrawing room window last week? Had he hoped she might have been sitting in the path of the flying shards of glass?

8:32 pm

Blogger marmiteboy said...

It would have to have been a bloody good shot if it was. I know I'm a fine specimen of athletic manhood but even I can't throw a stone 250 miles.

12:43 pm


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