Tired and Sleepy
I'm so tired at the moment and it's getting me down. I am, as some of my friends would attest, my own worst enemy. Being a crip is tiring work. I'm in pain all the time which is wearing and I use up more energy getting about. The thing is though I have no capacity to relax. I've no idea how to do it.
Over the last 18 months or so I have been treated for depression and anxiety, which on it's own is enough to flake you out, the problem I have is if I'm resting I tend to start dwelling on the stuff which made me feel so shit in the first place, it's all a bit Catch-22. As a result of this I tend to overdo it somewhat. It helps me not to feel sorry for myself,. granted, but it ain't half bloody knackering.
This is the first weekend in ages that I don't have anything to do, but instead of sitting at home watching dvd's and doing nowt I'm off out later to buy flooring for the kitchen and tomorrow I'm off to IKEA to buy cd storage. I really shouldn't be doing either of these things. I need to rest up. My leg and hip are hurting like a bastard and I find myself fighting to stay awake in the afternoons at the moment. I actually dropped off on the train yesterday, only for ten minutes, but I've never done this sober.
I get home from work and find I really need a kip, which is fine, it's my body telling me to rest, but then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back off and end up knackered again. It may well be down to pain medication of course and I intend to go down the quacks and talk to him about it. Or it be down to the anti-depressants, they are meant to slow you down a bit, but just lately, although not feeling depressed, I am feeling more anxious than I have done for a while. Maybe it's time for a change in mad drugs!!
Still I do make time for myself to read in the evening and stay away from the box so I suppose that is a form of relaxing in itself.
On to other things.
Just in case she hasn't mentioned it on her blog (she may have done I haven't looked today) our Turtle was 21 on Wednesday. Happy Birthday Nic. xx Go visit Turtle's Page of Joy and wish her happy birthday.
Wot I have been mostly listening too of late;
Martha Wainwright Martha Wainwright
El Corazon Steve Earle
You're a woman, I'm a machine Death From Above 1979
Modulate Bob Mould
Body of Song Bob Mould
Nocturama Nick Cave and the Badseeds
Post to Wire Richmond Fontaine
Gemstones Adam Green
Surfer Rosa The Pixies
Alligator The National
Either/Or Elliot Smith
Arcade Fire Arcade Fire
I do heartily recommend the Martha Wainwright cd. It's bloody fab, so it is.