Marmiteboy - Urbane Warrior.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Wedding Blues

Feeling a bit pissed off today. We've got a family wedding coming up and as usual I'll find myself as the 'sad single bloke tm' standing in the corner no doubt.

It's a bit of a catch 22 situation when it comes to wedding invites. I either get them asking me to bring a guest, which means when I turn up without one it makes it so obvious I'm single, or they just ask me to go on my own which means they know I'm a 'sad single bloke tm' and think that I've got no chance of getting a girlfriend anytime soon. i'm not entirely sure what is worse.

I know this is all being a bit over sensitive but all my peers seem coupled up and some are even with child and I'm starting to feel left out of the loop.

Still off to a gig tonight to see the wonderful Bob Mould (ex-Husker Du and Sugar pop-pickers) so that should be a blast.


Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell ventures to suggest the possibility that many of Marmite Boy's "coupled up" friends might envy his bachelor status and the personal freedoms which that status confers upon him.

And that his assumption that the grass must be always greener on the other side may hold less water than he fondly imagines...

9:15 am

Blogger The Goldfish said...

A few points of consideration, dear Marmite;

(1) Nobody ever regards a person of single status as the "sad single bloke", especially not a friend or relation you'd ask to a wedding. Nobody will think twice about this and the "and guest" part is just out of courteosy, in case you got together with someone in the time (usually months) between the invitation and the wedding.

The only time I have heard people discuss a chap's single status is when there is an element of tragedy involved in it, "Oh it's terrible his wife died/ was a total bitch/ ran off with the paperboy; it would be so nice if he could meet someone else."

Women suffer more scrutiny because it is imagined we all desire to marry and have babies, thus a failure to have achieved both is met with sympathy. As a chap you shall be assumed to be [insert appropriate, usually sport-related, euthemism, the feminine equivalent of which might be "window shopping"].

(2) If you study the films of Richard Curtis, you will find that it is actually possible to meet a prospective partner at a wedding. Bring along a single Deaf friend, have him pretend to be your brother and no doubt you'll both score.

Of course, none of that stuff actually happened, but quite seriously it might. You do come across couples who met at weddings. And even if you were the only single person present, this by no means condemns you to sitting in a corner.

(3) Such a pessimistic attitude is hardly a recommendation for a Lady Bracknell's Inimitable Guide to Effective Flirting. Do you want to put the good lady out of business?!

9:44 am

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Dear Goldfish,

Of course you are quite right I'm just having a feeling sorry for myself morning.

Lady B's Guide has given me some confidence and I can now be seen chatting to unsuspecting check-out girls at Sainsbury's. Although Lady B may worry that I shouldn't be too familiar with the lower classes ;-) it is good practice for when I attend glittering social ocassions like May balls and Royal garden parties.

I do agree with what you said about women facing scrutiny over the settling down baby thing but some of us blokes want that too and aren't interested in boozing down the pub with the lads.

I even like shopping for chrissakes!!! Odd I know but it's a cross I have to bear.

Thanks though Ms Goldfish (or can I call you 'The' (ha).


11:18 am

Blogger Katie said...

Hi Marmite, Hope the wedding goes well, I have the same problem at weddings as I'm the single person too, but if anything happened there would be two sisters with boyfriends with blokes with the same name!! ha! Ha! Only Joking! One of my sadistic jokes again. Arrgh!

Enjoy my blog and hope the wedding goes well!

10:38 pm

Blogger The Goldfish said...

One last tip, which was probably included in Lady Bracknell's guide but just in case... If you are looking for a long term relationship, try not to wear this on your sleeve. Both sexes can be a little intimidated by prospective partners who take love and romance very seriously in the early stages. It may not apply to you at all, but it is a common fatal mistake I have observed. Even Bridget Jones don't want to be proposed to on the second date. The third, maybe...

Oh and use that lovely smile as much as possible. :-)

9:43 am

Blogger marmiteboy said...

Thanks Goldfish,

You make me blush.

9:48 am


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