Best Imitation Of Myself*

I had a medical for work on Friday afternoon. It was meant to be on Friday morning but just as I was leaving the house to attend it, I received a phone call from the medical centre saying that the doctor was heading to Norwich by mistake and was therefore having to turn the car around. It maent a five hour delay, but hey, I was off anyway so it didn't really matter.

I'd had a medical about nine/ten months ago because my hip was so bad and they recommended some changes in work patterns that were largely ignored. However, I had already had some reasonable adjustment and I wasn't having to go to London every day anymore which was a help. This time the medical was more to do with the anxiety I have been having of late.

As I have probably already bored you with, I have along with the anxiety (probably because of it rather than as a cause of it) been having a crisis of confidence at work. The people I work with are a very bright lot. They grasp the nettle very quickly and there ability to analyse a problem as quickly and throughly as they do leaves me feeling distinctly inadequet. I have come to the conclusion that I am just not cut out for the job that I do.

It is quite intimidating though being asked questions about what's going inside your head and why you are feeling so anxious and why you are depressed, especially when the answers you give are going into a report that is going back to work. Are you to be totally honest? Or keep a bit back? In the end I was as honest as I could be. Being anything else serves no real purpose and doesn't really address the problem. So a report will be winging it's way back to the powers that be. I'm going to try and forget about it for the moment as I don't want something else playing on my mind.

*Copyright Ben Folds