I Ain't Never Done That!!

I turned 42 yesterday and while I lay in bed contemplating my onward push to middle-age,I started thinking about all the things I haven't done. I suppose this is a time of life when you are prone to looking back and ruminating on past acheivements and lost chances. However, the following list is not about missed opportunities, but more about conscious decisions not to do things that others enjoy doing. So, for the record, I have never...

1. Seen E.T. - I have never had the desire to see this film, nor, shall I ever go out of my way to see it. It has almost become a tallismen now and if I were to see it I would be cast into the pits of Hell. Luckily the story of an alien who rides flying bikes and who phones home holds no interest.
2. Read Lord Of The Rings. - Lady Bracknell's Editor and Lily may be huge fans of the rambling opus about having a bit of a walk about before throwing a ring in a firery pit and they may both consider me a Phillistine for not liking it. However, after struggling with The Hobbit (with which I was bored stiff), I'm buggered if I'm going to read it's bigger brother. And I know the language is supposed to be beautiful but I haven't got inclination to read 40 pages of a book where nothing happens.
3. Smoked A Pipe. - I already have a pair of slippers, so already have half of the middle-aged mans equipment. I don't fancy stick a pipe in me gob though.
4. Played In A Proper Football Match. - I watch football, both live and on the television (although my interest is on the wane) but I have never kicked a ball in anger. I wasn't good enough to play football for any school team and now, even if I was fit enough, I don't think I could be arsed. To much running about.
5. Seen A Complete Episode Of Friends. - I have never understood the attraction of this programme. I know it is popular and it has made international stars of its cast, but I just don't get it. I have tried to watch it on a number of occasions but can't get further than 5 minutes in and have never found it remotely funny. And anyway how does someone who is a waitress in a coffee bar afford to live in a Manhatten apartment that would retail for over a million dollars? Load of old bollocks, so it is.
6. Laughed At Jim Davidson. - I was once accused of pretending not to like Jim Davidson so as to appear elitist. Now I don't know about you, but I find him to be a racist, homophobic, disabilist arsehole and my justifcation for not liking him is he isn't funny, has never been funny and that he will never be funny. Oh and that he is a twat too.
7. Voted Conservative. - I can never envisage a time when I will either.
8. Participated In Karaoke. - I can sort of undertsnad who someone with a decent voice might want to stand up in front of a bunch of people and belt out 'Angels'. But why do tone deaf people who sing like a strangled cat enjoy it? I know I'm a miserable old sod these days but it beats me why this is considered entertainment.
9. Been To Harrods. - What is it about Harrods? Why does it have such cudos? The amount of people you see walking about London clutching their little green Harrods plastic bag is amazing. You can get anything in Harrods apparently, but you can get everything at loads of others shops too. Is it some kind of Middle England snobbery surrounding the place?There is probably a fair amount of inverted snobbery on my part regarding Harrods. I resist going there because we are constantly bombarded with how great it is. If I did ever go I'd take a Woolworths bag with me and put my purchases in that.
10. Ridden A Horse. - I really don't like horses. Big tramplely buggers they are. I admit to being a bit scared of our equine friends and have no plans to hop up on one and have a canter.

Fuzzy.

I've been given some stronger drugs recently as my pain levels have been increasing. I've had these 90 Mg's of Dihydrocodeine before and although I found that they worked fairly well I wasn't that fuzzy headed with them. This time however I am definitely being affected.

I am feeling sleepy most of the time, during the day at least, and it is difficult to concentrate. I did manage to read the whole of the final Harry Potter book on Saturday though (not that you need too much concentration for that).

I was going to write about something entirely different today but I just sat there in a fuzzy headed daze staring at a blank page. Back to sleep....

You're It!!

I've been tagged by Goldfish. Here are the rules:

1. Let others know who tagged you. (See above)
2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and 8 random facts.
4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

So now I have to think of 8 random me related facts. Hmm, okay here goes nothing.

1. I have appeared on BBC Radio Cornwall several times. I have been a guest on the, now departed, jazz show hosted by Roy Stears and my Dad. There was no family favour involved however as Roy was the one who invited me on. I have twice chosen all the records on the show in a kind of Desert Island Discs affair and once I was involved in a section of the programme dedicated to jazz singer Stacey Kent. For some reason they thought I was an expert!!! Maybe it was because I have been to "Up that London" more than once.
2. I have three points on my driving license. I incurred these as a result of an act of kindness. The Editor received an award and the ceremony was in some dark satanic North Western town. I was engaged as a driver for the event and ferried her (on a rare night off) and Auntie Jan to the swish event held at a Rugby League ground (these Northerners know how to hold a do!!). I was on the way back to Bracknell Towers from this event that I was nicked by a roadside camera doing 37 miles per hour in a 30 mile an hour zone.
3. I didn't walk until I was two. Before that I propelled myself by shuffling along on my bum. I was pretty quick by all accounts.
4. On the day of my sister's birth I ate the end of a torch. It was a bendy torch and had a small bulb on the end of it. Well it did until I had a munch anyway. My Mum was, as you can imagine, very upset at this and rang the doctor straight away. I was forced to eat copious amounts of porridge as a precaution against the glass damaging my insides. I suffered no ill effects.
5. My lounge wall is covered in cuttings from childrens magazines. Dora The Explorer, The Tweenies, The Teletubbies and The Mr Men are in evidence. These are not my cuttings. Sybil is the culprit but I'm quite happy to keep them there.
6. The second gig that I ever went to was Toyah at the Hammersmith Odeon. She was shit. I quickly learnt that not all gigs you go to are any good.
7. I once did a Saturday job gardening for a old man called Mr Parrott. I received 50 pence and hour and my tasks included digging piles of pidgeon shit into the soil as fertilizer. Not something I'd recommend.
8. The first record I ever bought with my own money was 'Devil Gate Drive' by Suzi Quatro. I still have it. Somewhere.

Right my turn to tag. As I don't spread my net too far on the blogsosphere some of you might have already been tagged. Sorry if have. I tag the following:

Blogging Mone , Katie , Dame Honoria , Philip, E F Rice, Spacehopper, Seahorse , Pieman

Blade Runner

There has been a rather bizarre twist in the whole disablist debate in the last few days. It comes, not from someone being excluded because they are seen as inferior but because they might be too good!!

Oscar Pistorious is a double amputee and probably one of the best athletes on the planet. Had he taken part in the 1928 400 metres Olympic final he'd have won easily. He is far too quick to meaningfully race against other disabled athletes in disabled competitions as he is at least a second better than everyone else. He obviously wants to test himself and as a result of the competition, improve his times. Oscar's ambition is to compete for South Africa in the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008. He wants to put himself up against non-disabled sportsmen. And bizarrely he is facing all kinds of opposition.

Oscar has already raced against non-disabled athletes in his native South Africa and last week at a meet in Europe came second. On Sunday he runs in his first Grand Prix event at the Norwich Union event in Sheffield and the debate has been raging about whether Oscar has an advantage over the other competitors because he hasn't got any legs!!!

Pistotious runs on blades that are manufactured for him by an Icelandic company. The blades are made of a lightweight carbon fibre that are inspired by a cheetah's rear leg. The IAAF is concerned about the energy release form Oscar's blades, the length of his stride pattern and that, get this little chestnut, because he hasn't get any calf muscles he won't get a build up of lactic acid and therefore tire like the poor non-disabled bipeds he'll be running against.

Other athletes, commentators and the media have joined the fray, some for Oscar but many against saying that it is 'unfair' that he should be allowed to run. This is nonsense of course. In my view, the reason there is so much opposition to Oscar's participation is that they couldn't bear it if he actually won. What a terrible thing that would be for the non-crip world an uppity crip beating them in a running race. They can't let that happen so they are trying to make it seem that it is unfair. The fact that Oscar's current times are a long way off (in athletics terms) from the worlds best at the moment is beside the point. He can't be allowed to show anyone up. He is a crip and should remain in the crip ghetto where he belongs and can do no harm to there safe little world.

I sincerely hope that Oscar Pestorious does get to run in Beijing and fulfill his dream. wouldn't it be fantastic to see him on the podium in the 400 metres final having won a medal? That would be one in the eye for the Medical Model brigade.

The Editor Rejoice.

Even I got pissed off with the music on this site so it is no more.

If Only...

Apparently today marks the 50th anniversary of the first meeting of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. It makes you wonder what would have happened to music if they had never met.
No Yellow Submarine, no Octopussy's Garden, no When I'm 64 and definitely no bloody Oasis.

Damn that church garden party for all the crap it spurned. The Beatles surely the most over-rated band in musical history.

Freedom For Alan Johnston

After 114 days of captivity BBC Gaza correspondent Alan Johnston has been released.

Today is a good day.