Marmiteboy - Urbane Warrior.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Shoplifters Of The World Unite.

I fear I have a criminal living under my roof. I have always taken a very moral stance about common thievery. I have never, ever stolen anything ever. This is more because I would be too scared of the consequences of getting caught than anything else, but I do have a healthy regard for other peoples property too.

Which brings me to the distressing events of this evening. I had just eaten my tea whilst watching Masterchef Goes Large (I'm a sucker for cooking programmes) when I thought I'd better go and do the washing up. As I walked to the kitchen I spotted Marmite, my tabby cat eating something in the hall. Now this usually means that some poor mouse or bird has been needlessly culled and brought in to show both Twiglet and me what a big brave lion Marmite really is, and not the big daft brush he actually is.

Today was different though because it wasn't a deaded animal, it was a piece of raw steak!! This can only mean one thing. Marmite has snuck into a neighbours flat under the cover of darkness and nicked it before it could be bunged in the old frying pan. I destroyed the evidence before the kitten police knocked on the door and carted Marmite off to kitty prison. He wasn't happy to lose his ill-gotten gains and has sulked off into the garden and remains disgruntled with his horrid daddy.

I really don't know what to do with him? You bring your kittens up to be good children and then they indulge in this kind of nefarious activity.
I'll have to ground him of course and I might have to stop his pocket money too. What a naughty kitten ;-)

By the way he has just come in looking very sheepish. He skulked past me trying not to be spotted. The tyke.


Blogger Katie said...

That's typical of cats isn't it Marmiteboy when they pinch stuff from other people's rubbish! Hope you are well Marmiteboy and the year is looking up for you well.

Splodge is just the same but think all cats like other people's cats food than their own!

9:36 pm

Blogger jfsouthpaw said...

When we had a kitten, her Mum (the actual cat, not me) taught her to hunt. Thing was, her Mum had never actually been outside before and our little postage stamp of a garden was The Great Big Outdoors.

So she started her daughter on moss. The moss fell off our roof, onto the patio and they would pat around the dried moss for a bit, then pick a bit up and drop it in one of our wellies.

When Mum felt they had learnt all they could from moss, they went on to frogs. Mum taught her daughter the art of jumping just like a frog across the garden, presumably so that they would blend in and lull the frogs into a false sense of security. Dispite many a hot afternoon spent jumping up in the air just like a frog, they didn't catch any. They did bring home a dried, flat frog once which they had found (at least, I think it was a frog).

Then came the mouse. It was definately one she had caught and our kitten placed it with great pride at my feet. Without looking at her, I got a tissue and covered over the mouse, mourned it like a close friend and left it there all day.

I was only given moss after that, and I started getting very wet moss in my boots, too. She was great at catching and eating spiders, though, so I forgave her. :-)

9:43 pm

Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell remains of the opinion that there may be another explanation for what happened.

Given that, by virtue of being her nephews, Marmite and Twiglet are clearly cats of unusually well-developed faculties, she believes it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that Marmite slew one of the local cattle and sliced off a particularly juicy morsel for the purposes of displaying his hunting prowess to his pater.

(This theory is based, of course, on the unproven assumption that there are actually herds of cattle in Southend.)

6:41 am

Blogger Charlesdawson said...

MB, the word for "thief" is the same as the word for "cat" in Sanskrit, perhaps young Marmite is harking back to some ancestors?

Friends had a Siamese called Splotty years ago, who (with the help of an equally criminal feline mate) stole a whole roast chicken out of someone's fridge, transported it to their first-floor flat, and dismembered it all over the kitchen floor. They never did dare find out where it came from.

10:12 am

Blogger pete said...

My only weakness is ... well, never mind, never mind

Hand it over

O and E

2:20 pm


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