I Guess I'm Just A Little Too Sensitive.

I was hypnotised again on Tuesday as part of my psychotherapy session. I was asked to relax and picture a flight of ten stairs leading down to a door and was told that behind this door would be a room of some kind. I remember having trouble relaxing this time. My mind was really wandering for some reason, anyway I was told to picture myself at the top stair and that we were going to descend the stairs one by one very slowly. As Holly started counting me down the stairs I could feel myself falling into some kind of relaxation. It was a bit like whan you are falling in a dream and because of that, I found myself fighting it to begin with. Gradually though, I did relax and had the same kind of detatched (but fully aware of where I was) feeling that I had last time.

I was asked to enter the room and then describe what I saw. The room was light and airy with floor to ceiling glass doors along two walls. It looked out over a beach and the sea. This was a very vivid image. The room itself had a big bed and stripped pine flooring. I was asked to sit down and found a big bean bag that I made myself comfortable in. I was told that there was a box in front of me and to decribe that too. I saw a shoebox, the kind of shoebox that I got my Dunlop Green Flash in, it was all very clear to me.

I was told that in the box would be a memory that had caused me distress in the past and that I was going to address it. I opened the box and saw a picture of a young woman I once new and was extremely fond of. There had been an incident between us that I have never been able to understand. I won't go into details because it's all a bit complicated but needless to say that I was seriously smitten with this person and what happened really fucked me up because I never understood what had gone wrong between us. I hadn't had a relationship with her at all but nonetheless the way our friendship ended without much explainantion has dogged me ever since. I strongly believe that a lot of my current anxiety is because of this problem. I'm not saying it caused it but it was the straw that broke the camels back.

Anyway, I was asked to have a conversation with this person and to then explain why I thought what had happened had happened. Which I did. Afterwards I felt really good. I felt light and relaxed and refreshed. However, when I woke up on Wednesday I felt really shit again. I suppose all the emotions from that incident and how it had made me feel for months and months afterward, had been stirred up again.

I'm still not feeling very good today either so I'm off work again. I do know that I will have low periods whilst undergoing psychotherapy so I'm not particularly worried that there has been a reversal. I have to understnd that this is going to be a long process.