I Love Country Music...

...well after a fashion I do. I love the new altternative country stuff. It is raw and sparse and there isn't a rhinestone in sight. One thing I do love about some of the old style Nashville Country and Western music os the ridiculous song titles that some of the songs are given. They are usually about 'your man doing you wrong' or 'Little Sammy being run pover by a truck' or some such nonsense. The songs aren't meant to be funny I'm sure, but everyone outside of Nashville finds them hilarious. Because I'm a lazy sod, and can't be arsed to trawl through the interwebnet to find some real ( and no doubt funnier) song titles I have made up. Here then, and in no particular order, is my take on Country and Western song titles.

1. Jesus Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas Time.
2. Daddy Loves His AK More Than He Loves Me.
3. Don't Go A Whoring Mommy, Please Stay At Home Instead.
4. He May Be A Klansman, But Daddy Don't Come Home Drunk.
5. She Said She'd Go And Leave Me, So I Had To Shoot Her Dead.
6. He Left Me For A Cowhand And Broke My Heart In Two.
7. My Sister Sleeps With Grandpa, But Grandpa Sleeps With Mom.
8. Hang A Commie Bastard From The Nearest Tree.
9. Book Learning Is For Faggots, Gun Toting Is For Men.
10. God Save Our Christian Soldiers Whilst Bombing In Iraq.

Maybe some of these songs already exist and are being belted out in some Redneck bar in Tennessee. I kinda hope so.